Epitome of Lazy

I have met a lot of lazy people in this world. I think all of us can relate to having a really lazy day, or week, or even a month at times. This may be because of the fact that being old enough to live on your own but being young enough to still lack a bit of responsibility forces us to find shortcuts around things in general. Not to mention the fact that the manufacturing industries are creating things to accommodate very lazy people instead of forcing us to actually get up and do something about it. It becomes manageable instead of forbidden, and many are okay with this mindset. There are people in this world that are so lazy, you wonder how they even function half the time without just becoming extinct off the face of the earth. There’s lazy, and then there’s epitome of laziness.

Here are 15 of the laziest things one can possibly do. Brace yourselves for a lot of run-on sentences:

1. The “It’s Not Worth it:” 
Have you ever set your alarm to get up for work/school to get up, and perhaps slept in 10 minutes longer than you were supposed to? If instead of getting up and rushing to the washroom to make up for the missed time, you decide to lie in bed and contemplate for another half an hour to see if you’ll have enough time to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and get there on time, and realize that you’ve now wasted 40 minutes and you’re going to be late, and just turn over, call in sick/don’t show up to class because, well duh, it isn’t worth it and there’s no way you’d make it on time…you are the epitome of lazy.


2. The “Procrastinator:”
Being a procrastinator doesn’t necessarily make you lazy, as many procrastinators find active ways of keeping busy till then. However, when you have an essay/exam a week away and you know you need to prepare, but you are too lazy to be productive, so you do nothing about it, and then after you don’t do well, and you’re surprised….You brought this upon yourself. Shame on you. You know you had ample amounts of time to study/write it. Just stop it.


3. The “Dropper:”
For those that don’t even bother to get to that “post-completion” stage above, and decide to drop the class before or after the due date so you won’t have to do it, nor do your grades have to suffer…


4. The “Hoarder:”
You have piles of stuff in your bedroom. Whether that be clothes, water bottles, tea cups, dishes, or dirty socks, they have a pile in a designated area in your room somewhere. You will legitimately pretend that they don’t bother you until your room starts to smell. You start noticing fruit flies, or that you have legitimately nothing to wear except something you still have from middle school as you haven’t done your laundry in 5 weeks, and only then, will you proceed to get rid of some so that your room doesn’t continue to smell like elephant cheese and cow dung wonderfully mixed together.


5. The “Stretcher:”
This is a game many of us play professionally as adults where we pretend our bed is the island and everywhere else is the water with crocodiles. We have played this so much when we were younger than it becomes instilled in us and now, if they had this at the Olympics, we’d bring home at least 26 Gold medals each. You will legitimately stretch to any distance possible without your feet dropping to the ground in order to reach something that is not on or around your bed. Even if all you have to do is get up and walk three steps to get the remote, you will clamber to the edge of the bed, balance yourself on your calves and two or one hand on the floor and reach till you get it, even if that means you temporarily stop breathing/out of breath.


6. The “Snoozer:”
You set your alarm 2 hours before you need to wake up and snooze for ten minutes until the very last second you could possibly sleep in. You don’t turn it off in case you sleep through it, and then get up and regret not waking up the two hours earlier you did set your alarm for and now you have to look like a zombie with bed hair and crusts in your eyes. Nice going, dude. Nice going. Not like the effort is needed.


7. The “Adjuster:”
You know your bedroom is upstairs. Your bed has a pillow and a warm blanket, and it’s soft and nice to sleep in. But it is 15 steps upstairs (you counted) and the sofa right now is just amazing. Who cares if you don’t have a pillow or a blanket? Take off your sweater and use it to cover the top half of your body and then stick your bottom half under the sofa cushions as a blanket for the rest. No bed? No proll’em.



So Comfortable


8. The “Toddler:”
After waking up from that stunt you pulled with the sofa, it’s morning and you have to pee. The washroom is upstairs, again, 15 steps on the staircase. So you get on your hands and knees, crawl to the bottom, and then pretend you’re a monkey toddler and use your hands to support yourself all the way up and into the washroom, until you reach the toilet.


9. The “Opportunist:”
This comes after the crawling. I am pretty sure most of us have done this at one point in our lives but sleeping on the toilet on an OFF DAY because you’re too lazy to wipe and wash your hands and make your way into the bedroom to sleep in your bed…Why? Just, why?


10. The “Solution Finder:”
There is a quote from someone, somewhere that  if you give the hardest tasks to the laziest people, they will find the easiest way to do it. Someone I know was so lazy to turn off the lamp on his bedside table, he invested in one of those lights that turn off or turn on based on the sound of clapping. I should have known he would be too lazy to clap because a week after, he got bored of the clapping so he recorded himself clapping on his phone and played that to the light instead. I don’t know if I should call him an idiot, or a genius. Perhaps an idiotic genius. Or you could just throw a shoe at the light; works every time.


11. The “Orderer:”
There is food downstairs in the kitchen, and you must prepare/cook it. You are so comfortable exactly where you are, and cooking takes so much time. You’d have to thaw the meat, or cook the rice, or prepare vegetables, or pour the cereal, or peel some fruit, or make a sandwich, and like, honestly? That is way too much work. So you go online and you order food because you are legitimately too lazy to go downstairs and feed yourself.


12. The “Potato:”
So you’ve decided you don’t want to cook or make yourself food and you ordered food. The place you ordered from is less than a block away, but you click “Delivery” instead of pick up because you are way too lazy to walk down the street. I mean, who cares that delivery is $4 extra? If you’re too lazy to walk down the stairs, I shouldn’t be surprised you’re too lazy to walk out the door.


13. The “Not Tonight:”
Your friends have invited you to an outing for about two weeks and you’ve actually been looking forward to going. The day rolls around and you’re still in the mood, till something on the internet catches your attention. You decide to sit down and enjoy whatever it is your laptop has bedazzled you with, and your phone begins to go off. You look at the time and see they are going to be at the place in half an hour, and you still haven’t showered. You spend another ten minutes trying to come up with a legitimate excuse, ponder on the level of regret you are going to have in case they have too much fun without you, convince yourself there is nothing better than what you are currently mesmerized with, finally text them some intricate bs, and end it with Not today. Maybe some other time. Then you resume your position.


14. The “Starfish:”
Learning to do anything and everything while lying down, including getting dressed, eating, and at a master level, drinking water.

Cmon, play with me

15. The “Incompleter:”
When you’re too lazy to even finish what you started, like writing an….ah, forget it.




-Shar @sriffa_xo



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